What her friend says... (IV)

I agree that organ donation is what she would do...
It pains me to mention her name in this context.

We all love her as a nice, mild and loving person.
She was patient and she was kind.
No words of evil had ever came from her mouth.
No act of despise had she done on anyone.

Such is the person I remember of her, and such is the image of her that will live in my heart forever. I will gladly fly back to Penang if there is a service in memory of her.

Dr Chan (26th March)

I am still in the depression stage, don't know will last for how long... Can't help recalling the moments that spent with her, how patient was she when I ask every tiny and silly question when I prepared my poster for presentation for the first time, the trip to MSA where we went to eat Ipoh's famous Hor fan and Taugeh chicken and we both laughed when Khor vomited within 10 minutes due to motion sickness... and how she had loved and pampered her children on the trip from KL back to Penang end of last year... All and all of these will now be the dearest memory for me...

Hope that her family can go thru the stages of grieving and so do all of us... Hope that whoever that gets her organs later will be blessed throughout their lives...

Dr Ang (26th March)

What her friend says... (III)

It was but a fleeting moment of our lives, and it is amazing that in the short time that we have spent with Bee Hooi, she have affected us in ways that we never knew she could. Her passing away is so sudden, so unexpected and so cruel...

A void opens up in our hearts, of the emptiness at the loss of her presence. You never really realise that light, that color, that smile, that act until it is gone. Irrevocably gone. No words of comfort can fill the void of the loss. No amount of crying, of regret, of vengeance can make up for what we lost.

Friends, we are all in the Medical field. It is obvious that Bee Hooi would have thought all this out. Despite the risks, she decided to go on. True, she may not have considered dying, after all embolization is fairly safe. She must have struggled with the fact that she may have neurological deficit though. It must have been difficult to know that this procedure could leave you blind, or have loss of higher functions. It would not have been worthwhile to go through the embolization and return as a vegetable, or a disabled. Not for Bee Hooi.

We may think, that Bee Hooi should have planned better, well, you can plan all you want, but things may not turn out the way you want it to be or even the way you foresee. And to all who knew Bee Hooi, she was already planning on her life after returning from Paris. It had not been easy for her, to go through the embolization and crany alone in Paris, what more when she actually have hemianopia after the procedure. Could any of you have gone through it alone, without family? Would you have the courage to walk out on the streets of Paris with visual field defect? And yet in all her correspondence, she never did once show her fears, she didn't want any of us to feel helpless and sad. Bee Hooi is truly courageous. More than me at least.

All of us are now left to pick up the pieces from what she left us. Bits of memories, videos, pictures. And it would not be odd, to find things that reminds us of the fun, life loving, kind, beautiful, friendly person that we have come to love and cherish.

Dying is the easy part, it is the living that is hard. Many of us would have regretted not saying or doing so much with her. I think she would not fault any of us. As much as she can, we are her family at work. To think that she did so much at work, I can only say that she greatly enjoyed working with all of us. She didn't say her goodbyes, and we didn't said ours. But then again, she never really left. Not for me....

Dr Ho (26th March 2008)

爱心医生, 器官捐巴黎

I get to know from Bee Hooi's sister a week ago that there is an article entitled "爱心医生, 器官捐巴黎" (A Caring Doctor, Donating her organs in Paris) on the latest 风采 (Feng Cai) @ Feminine Chinese Magazine (#487) . Belows are the snapshots of the articles. (I don't have a scanner to scan the pages).

(Click on each individual photo for a larger view of the photos and text).

What her friend says... (II)

Those who face that which is actually before them, unburdened by the past, undistracted by the future, these are they who live, who make the best use of their lives; these are those who have found the secret of contentment. - Alban Goodier

Somehow it made me think of her.

Dr Ho (26th March 2008)

Even though I have been in this department for 1year 9months, I really got attached to her somehow... When I am going for my Master Part One, she always tell me, be calm be cool you can do it...

She taught me about blocks...
She taught me about life...
Sorry that i can't dance...

Dr Goay (26th March 2008)

Bee Hooi is a very strong and optimistic gal. Even though she went through lotsa hardship, heartaches and difficulties in her life over the last few years, but she never complaints nor give up. She always look at things in an optimistic way and strikes for the best. How many of us can do the same things if we are in her shoe?

Bee Hooi is indeed an amazing and courageous lady and throughout these years, she had left a huge impact in our lives. I'm glad to have her as my friend. Rest in Peace, Bee Hooi. I will truly miss u deeply. U are such a dearie..... And because of Bee Hooi's organs donation which bring hopes to those in need, She will also continue "living" through the bodies of others..

Dr Chen (26th March 2008)

In light with Bee Hooi's organ donation, Arun wrote this which i think is a well deserved statement about Bee Hooi. "This is a fitting end for a wonderful person, whose humanity lives pass her.."

Friends, i know all of us are really upset about Bee Hooi's going. I was too. but after I read all the mails from Dr Lim Wee Leong, I realised that there was no mistake in her wanting to do this. Many times before this I questioned the decision for her to proceed with the procedure. but now, I understand. What Dr Lim said is so true, it won't be Bee Hooi if she did not stand up and take this chance. I'm glad that Bee Hooi's family has agreed for the organ donation. At least now we know she still lives on somewhere out there.

Bee Hooi, you have been a dear friend to all of us. From now on, I wish you peace and happiness. I hope to see you someday when I pass on as well. Maybe then we can once again spend time gossiping and laughing about the silliest things in the world. I'll miss you terribly, but you have left nothing but fond memories... Thank you for being such a wonderful friend to me... farewell, Bee Hooi, and until we meet again. God bless you always..

Dr Choo (26th March 2008)

What her friend says... (I)

At this point i don't have much to say. I cried the whole day today, but slowly I'm trying to accept the fact that bee hooi is no more here. I only know that after grieving we will have to move on with our lives. But as we do our daily work, we'll definitely be reminded of all the things she had said or done. she'll always be remembered as an Angel in our Lives.

I'm very sure she has only left good and sweet memories for us to safe keep. How many of us will be able to do that when we die? She has never wronged anyone, as far as i know. She has never complained or grumbled about the happenings in her life. She has always been strong throughout trials and difficulties in her life. And we should all learn from her. Although she's not here anymore with us, I'm sure her memories will live on forever in us.

I'll miss her dearly and it's never gonna be the same anymore without her. I just can't help but keep questioning myself, have I done enough for bee hooi when she was around? Have i ever done anything to hurt her or displease her? Have i ever forsaken her when she needed help? I hope not. I hope I hadn't been a lousy friend to her. It won't be easy for me to let go and be merry again, but after this, I'll look at life in a different way. Life is indeed so fragile. but as doctors, we tend to forget that ever so often. It's time to sit back and think, have we done enough for our loved ones? If not, start now before it's too late....

I can't sleep tonite. my heart is aching so badly. I dream of bee hooi this afternoon when i took a nap. She was still as beautiful, with all smiles on her face. She looked really happy. I woke up after that o the horrible news of her death. I don't know if it was really bee hooi coming to say goodbye in my dreams or if it's just my mind playing tricks on me cause i've been thinking about her for the past few days....

Dr Choo (26th March 2008)

WCA, Cape Town.

Dr Tan Bee Hooi had participated in and conducted several trials, studies and researches in the hospital. She had also presented several papers, both locally and internationally.

Photo of our beloved Dr Tan Bee Hooi presenting her free paper at the 14th World Congress of Anaesthesia (WCA) in Cape Town, South Africa in early March 2008. That was few days prior to her treatment of AVM in Paris.

Dance Performances (OT Nite 2006)

Bee Hooi was an avid and talented dancer since school days. She had organised and took part in several dance performances throughout these years. Below are 3 video clips of the dance performances she participated (including the Line Dances) taken with my handphone during OT Nite 2006 (by the Anaesthesiology and Intensive Care Department, Penang Hospital) held in Northam Hotel in November 2006.

Our dear Tacia (big sister)

Those who chatted with Bee Hooi before on MSN instant messenger or Windows Live Messenger will know that Bee Hooi uses tacia as her display name. I remembered few years back while chatting online with her, I asked why she used the name tacia. And the reply I got was something that I never expected. She said she is the eldest sister in her family, hence tacia. How come I never thought of that earlier on? Tacia = Big Sister in chinese. Well, Bee Hooi is not only the eldest sister in her family, she is also a dear sister to me, and to many of us. A sister who is always there to share our problems, giving advices, cheer us up etc.

Kevin :
Bee Hooi is like a sister to most of us, not just a specialist. I will miss her very much.... :-( I was on call with her once in ICU. We were treating a patient who was dying and I didn't know what to do. She stayed with me the whole night until the patient passed away...

Goay :
Oh Gosh!! Am really really depressed!!! My heart is aching... Even i am in Penang GH for the past one year 9 months... Dr Tan Bee Hooi is like sister to me... I kept calling her Dr Tan, but she always want me to call her by her name...

Lee :
Dr. Tan, u are like my sister... gave me advice whenever i have problem.. Cheer me up when i am sad.... i really miss u... i still remember, u do O&G list for me so that i can attend the ACLS course, even though u are post call...u teach me so many thing when i first join anaesthesia..

I will still continue to keep Bee Hooi's contact number in my mobile phone, her email as well as her contact in my instant messenger even though I will never see her online again...

The Final Journey

It was a tough time for most of us during Bee Hooi's funeral on 1st April 2008. A heart breaking and painful moment. Most of us cannot hold our tears when paying our last respect and bidding farewell to our beloved Bee Hooi, a dear sister and a dear friend. Rest In Peace, Bee Hooi. Although this is the final journey for Bee Hooi in this world but it is definitely not the end of her chapter in our lives. Our dear Bee Hooi will remain in our hearts forever.

The Altar

On the way to Crematorium Hall in Mount Erskine, Penang.
(photo taken from Kwong Wah newspaper)

More photos taken on The Funeral Day (1st April 2008) is available at Wang HL's Flickr Photo Album and Lian Chye's Multiply Photo Album.

Fr Dr Mary Cardosa

Taken from Malaysian Association in France, written by Dr Mary Cardosa

Dear friends,

After reading all the feedback on what a wonderful person Bee Hooi was, I want to add something: I was fortunate to have the opportunity to have some interaction with Bee Hooi and always found her, as others have, to be a remarkable and admirable person. As President of the MSA, and in response to suggestions from Dato Jahizah and others, I am proposing that we acknowledge Bee Hooi's untimely death and her contribution to Anaesthesia at our forthcoming AGM/ASM in Langkawi.

In addition, I am also asking Wee Leong to write a short article about Bee Hooi and her "true Malaysian" spirit to be published in the Berita MMA (she was also an MMA member). Last but not least, I would like to post the following poem for all of us to read, because I feel that it fits Bee Hooi's personality and outlook on life and because Bee Hooi lives on in everyone she has touched in her life. Mary The poem is entitled "Do Not Stand at my Grave and Weep" and is attributed to Mary Elizabeth Frye (1904-2004). There are a few (slightly different) versions but I like this best.

Mary Cardosa

Do not stand at my grave and weep

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.

Just a sweet note

Came across this in OT call room...

Fasting & Prayer Session for Bee Hooi

When Dr Tan Bee Hooi went for treatment in Paris, we did't have direct contact with her, but collecting information from emails and updates via FaceBook. When we get to know Bee Hooi had to undergo second craniectomy coz of the complications (intra cranial bleeding) arised after embolisation of AVM, Choo suggested to hold a combined fasting and prayer session for Bee Hooi, which will be held on Monday (24/3/08) 7 am till 7 pm, regardless our Faith, Belief or Religion. This is the first time we held such a fasting and prayer session.

Although at the end, Bee Hooi still left us, as God loves her more and doesn't want to see her suffering. Hence, Bee Hooi is now in better hands and in a better place. Saying Goodbye is never easy (infact, very painful) and most of us were in tears when we bid the final farewell, but I believe we will meet with Bee Hooi again, someday....

Here are the caption of our discussion regarding the Fasting and Prayer Session for Bee Hooi, our dear sister, our dear friend and our dear colleague whom we love...

Choo :
Bee Hooi, we don't really know what's the situation there and although we are unable to be there with you physically, but remember, you'll be in our prayers. Guys, what do you think, shall we have a combine fasting and prayer session for Bee Hooi this Monday?

Chen :
Life is fragile and we dunno what might happen the next minute. Although i'm outstation at the moment (I'm now in Miri), but thanks for all the updates here. Will continue to keep Bee Hooi in my prayers. I'll be back to Penang next Monday night.

Goay :
Am thinking of having a prayer for her in the temple... I think we shall fast for a day and do prayer for Dr Tan BHooi... May the force be with her...

Anisa :
If God answers our prayer, He is increasing our faith,
If God delays it, He is increasing our patience,
If God does not answer the prayer, perhaps He has better plans for us..
So guys, dont worry about having to go through these difficult times, as sth better is awaiting us. And every challenge in life makes us wiser and more mature.. err... older also of course :-)

Divya :
I think Choo's suggestion for a fasting and prayer session for BH is a great idea. Do you think we can all do it? No matter what our faiths and beliefs are maybe come Mon we could all fast and keep her utmost in our prayers. I wonder how the operation went and whether her parents are going to Paris. And it's terrible to think that she's all alone in a foreign country with no friends and family with her... but it doesn't matter because prayers are dialogues with God and He hears and answers them in His own way.

"And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If ye shall ask anything in my name, I will do it. I will not leave you comfortless, I will come to you."

Choo :
Div, i'm so excited you've agreed for the fasting and prayer thingy. ok lah, we'll do it this way...on Monday morning, i'll open the fasting session with a prayer on Facebook. Then those of us who wants to fast can start fasting which ever way they're comfortable with. then will break fast at 7 pm with a prayer. Would you like to say the closing prayer, div?

Divya :
Ok. That's sounds good, a fasting and prayer session via facebook, which means everyone can participate cos almost everyone logs on at least once a day. I can't guarantee that the closing prayer will happen at 7pm but I'll close the session on Mon, and we'll break the fast at 7pm. To everyone, please feel free to pray online if u want to, or any way that you're comfortable with.

Chan :
I've never voluntarily fasted in my life.... but I would like to give it a try for the cause. :-)

Anisa :
I'm in for the fasting and prayer..

Divya :
Anyway, latest news on BH: had a second crani whole avm thrombosed so they took it out and they believe they have taken out everything so hopefully when she recovers she won't have to go through any more procedures! I think that's fantastic! Since op went well, the outcome looks good. News fr Dr Tan. (I'm on call with her today so that's how I found out.)

Chen :
Divya, Thanks for the update regarding Bee Hooi's progress. Glad to hear that the crani went on well and keep fingers crossed that BH will recover soon. I will join u all in this session.

Choo :
Folks, before we start our fasting session today, let's pray...

dear lord in heaven,
we thank you father God for all the blessings you have given all of us so far. We thank you for your mercy and your kindness in our lifes. that despite our sins, you continue to forgive us and shower us with love and compassion, comfort and strength as we go through life and it's temptations.

Therefore we would like to pray today specially for our dear friend who is currently in Paris undergoing treatment for an AVM. we pray that you'll be by her side, protecting her as she goes through her operations, comforting her of all her pain and sufferings, giving her strength to recover fully and come back safely to her family and friends. we pray that you would hold her hand every step of the way, that she'll know she's not alone.

Therefore lord, as we fast today, please also give us the strength and wisdom for the day. Thank you once again Lord for your mercy and grace. And all this we pray in Jesus's name, amen.

Divya :
Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;
The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me.

Swift to its close ebbs out life’s little day;
Earth’s joys grow dim; its glories pass away;
Change and decay in all around I see;
O Thou who changest not, abide with me.

Come not in terrors, as the King of kings,
But kind and good, with healing in Thy wings,
Tears for all woes, a heart for every plea­
Come, Friend of sinners, and thus bide with me.

Thou on my head in early youth didst smile;
And, though rebellious and perverse meanwhile,
Thou hast not left me, oft as I left Thee,
On to the close, O Lord, abide with me.

I need Thy presence every passing hour.
What but Thy grace can foil the tempter’s power?
Who, like Thyself, my guide and stay can be?
Through cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me.

Hold Thou Thy cross before my closing eyes;
Shine through the gloom and point me to the skies.
Heaven’s morning breaks, and earth’s vain shadows flee;
In life, in death, O Lord, abide with me.

Choo :
Thanks div...let's keep Bee Hooi in our hearts as we go through today. and whenever we feel our hunger is overcoming us, our anger empowering us, or self pity is taking over, our pain is suffocating us, our suffering is killing us, remember that god is always with us and remember bee hooi's pain and sufferings.

and whenever we feel happy today, we feel treasured today, we feel we're not alone today, we feel honoured today, we feel satisfied today, we feel joyous today, then give thanks and be grateful for all your blessings and remember those who are not as fortunate.

and at each step of the way, remember, God is always with us...

Lee :
let us pray for Bee Hooi....

Divya :
Closing Prayer.

Dear Lord, we thank You for this day and for enabling us to fast and pray for BH. We thank You for giving us this opportunity to get together despite our different schedules that we might spend some time in prayer for her recovery.
We thank You for all that You've blessed us with especially for our families, good health and happiness. We thank You for guiding us in all that we do and for giving us hope even when it seems all hope is lost.
We would like to pray for BH, that she will have a speedy recovery and that she has seen the last of the worst. We thank You for letting things happen exactly as they have for only You know what is going to happen in the future and all we can do is put our trust in You. Please take good care of her and bring her safely back to us and her family.

The Lord bless you and keep you.
The Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you.
The Lord lift up His countenance on you
And give you peace.

Amen.

Choo :
Thanks div...i feel so refreshed and satisfied as i broke fast just now. at least i know we did a little something for bee hooi...and those of you people who participated in today's fasting and prayer session, thank you very much for taking time and effort to do so. i know many of us find this new, but the end point is, we took the effort. thanks.... :)

Goay :
Thanks all for the prayers... we all pray in our own prayers and do our part in wishing our beloved Dr Tan Bee Hooi is fine and returning soon to Penang Malaysia... May Lord Buddha helps her, guides her in this difficult time...
Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu...

Letter from Embassy of Malaysia in Paris

Dr. Tan Bee Hooi, an anesthetist at the Hospital Pulau Pinang, passed away on 26 March 2008 due to complications from surgeries relating to arteriovenous malformation (AVM) in her brain. Dr. Tan has been undergoing treatment at the Fondation Rothschild, under the care of Professor Jacques Moret, a world renowned interventional neuro-radiologist.

The complicated procedure of the embolization of the AVM on 11 March 2008 went well. However, the condition of Dr. Tan, or Bee Hooi as she was fondly known, took a turn for the worse. She passed away peacefully due to complications from the follow-up surgeries.

Despite the grief following her loss, her family had taken the bold and timely decision to donate her organs to the recipients in France and Europe, which included her cornea, heart, kidney and liver. Her father, Dato’ Tan Gin Soon believed that her daughter would have wanted him to do this, given her deep and abiding interest to serve fellow human beings. Dato’ Tan Gin Soon will return to Penang with her daughter’s remains on Saturday, 29 March 2008.

The Malaysian Ambassador to France, Dato’ S. Thanarajasingam in conveying and extending his condolences, praised Dr. Tan for doing Malaysia proud of her organ donation to the needy patients in France and Europe. "She was truly a remarkable woman. Even in her death, she has given life".



Embassy of Malaysia

Paris
28 March 2008
http://www.kln.gov.my/?m_id=44&id=1246

Caption from Dr LimWL

Caption from Dr Lim WL,

It is now 5:00pm Wednesday in Paris (26.3.08)

Dr. Tan Bee Hooi was diagnosed brain dead on the later part of Tuesday morning. Doctors in the ICU enquired if she had considered to be an organ donor otherwise the next step was to withdraw support. We explained that it was likely that the family would agree but needed their presence to declare their willingness to donate Bee Hooi's organs.

This morning her father, sister and the father of her two children arrived at Paris. They had taken the flight from KLIA on Tuesday night. They were brought to the hospital immediately and allowed special visitation rights. Here we were informed that Bee Hooi had already pledged to be a organ donor while in Malaysia. Hence it was the family's desire that those wishes of Bee Hooi should be fulfilled even in France.

It was good to have the family to here in Paris to see Bee Hooi and bid her farewell. Grieving is always painful and very personal.

They were also able to meet Prof. Jacques Moret who took much time explaining what was done to Bee Hooi and the subsequent complications that arose as a result of the embolization.

Next they were taken to the Malaysian Embassy in France and were received by our Ambassador. Our ambassador conveyed his condolences and offered help to the family in whatever way possible to expediate the return of Bee Hooi's remains.

The organ harvesting will probably start late this evening and will not finish until early tomorrow morning.

I have no more tears for Bee Hooi, only respect and admiration for this wonderful person and a true Malaysian.

Lim Wee Leong

Evening dinner during MSA Melacca 2006... photos contributed by Ang YK

More photos

these are the photos contributed by Chen

More Photos...

These are the photos contributed by Dr Nurul Tan

Addendum (from the comment given by Dr Nurul) :
These photos were taken on 20 Jan 2008 during our hike to Pantai Keracut,Taman negeri Pulau Pinang. I'm glad we made the trip on that day after a few postponements earlier. Bee Hooi wanted to get her children to get used to the outdoor life and simple adventures in nature.

Photos (1)

Phuah's Wedding Dinner (2005)

Seafood Porridge Steamboat (2005)

OT Night @ Northam's Hotel (2006)
(photo contributed by Dr Ang YK)

MSA 2007
(photo contributed by Dr Lee CK)

MSA 2007
(photo contributed by Dr Lee CK)

MSA 2007
(photo contributed by Dr Lee CK)

A short video clip

A sweet and short video clip of Dr Tan Bee Hooi taken by Dr GanCC inside the OT Recovery Room, Penang Hospital.

Dr Tan Bee Hooi

This blog is created in remembrance of my beloved and dear friend cum colleague, Dr Tan Bee Hooi who had left us on 25.3.2008. This is a place for me and my other friends/colleagues to reminisce our memories and happy moments shared together with Bee Hooi. Everyone is welcomed to contribute your thoughts.

Bee Hooi did her MBBS degree in University of Sydney, Australia and her housemanship in Penang Hospital in 1998. I get to know Bee Hooi since March 2000, when I joined as M.O. in the Anaes Department in Penang Hospital, with Dr Ng SH as our Head of Department. Bee Hooi is a nice, cheerful, outgoing, hardworking and dedicated doctor with a kind and caring heart and I enjoyed talking with her. She is one of the most optimistic and courageous person that I know of up to this day, and also a person whom I respect. I still remembered her doing the ICU rounds with me when she was termed (in January 2001). She was still actively doing the peripheral GICU round the day before she delivered her first child. Her first child was delivered in Penang Hospital

Bee Hooi left Penang Hospital in mid 2001 to UK, following her husband. Throughout this period of time (from July 2001 till January 2005, as she came back to Penang in February 2005), we still communicate frequently via emails, sharing all the happy and sad moments of our daily lives and updating her with what were going on in the Anaes Department.

Bee Hooi delivered her second baby 2 days after she sat for her primary FRCA MCQ exam (on 2/4/03). And the amazing thing is that she went to sit for her primary OSCE/VIVA the next day after her delivery (on post partum Day 1) and PASSED !! (Despite being tired as she had just delivered and had sleepless night going through labour and looking after her baby the nights before). She passed her Final Exam in 2004, obtaining both the FCARCSI (Ireland) and FRCA (London), 2 months apart. Bee Hooi came back to Penang in early 2005 and continue working as an Anaesthetist in Penang Hospital later (in the same year).

I'm glad I still keep all those emails (there are hundreds of them) and it really bring a smile to me when I read them two nights ago. Some of those small minute things which I have forgotten and now I can reminisce back, thanks to those emails.

Bee Hooi is really a remarkable and selfless person. Even in Death, she has given life to others... Rest in Peace Bee Hooi and I will miss you forever. You are such a dear sister, a dear friend and a dear colleague of mine...