Day 105

Today is the 105th day Bee Hooi left us. During these period of time, occasionally I will read back those hundreds of old emails which I corresponded with her during her stay in UK (from 2001 till early 2005). Reading those old emails again reminds me of the time whereby we share our happy and sad moments, up and down in lives, giggle over some minor events and happenings, sharing about personal stuff etc. This includes her experiences in the Harold Wood Hospital, at her new working places, her new friends and colleagues in Swansea, her frustrations, her vacations and tours in UK & Europe, how she passed her primary exam, the delivery of her second baby boy, the joints pain she experienced due to seronegative arthritis, her worries, discussing whether to came back to Malaysia or continue working in UK after passing her final exam and also some other personal stuff and family matters.

And, she loved using this phrase "Nevermind, life is just like that" or "Well, life is just like that". Yeah, i ditto with her in this matter and most importantly, we should live our lives to the fullest.

Suffering & Death

The followings were taken from one of the emails written to me by Bee Hooi some time back, in August 2004. We were discussing about illness, suffering, and death as an end to suffering. Bee Hooi was still in UK at that time and that email was written before she was diagnosed with AVM.

Date: Sun, 29 Aug 2004 22:30:16 +0100
From: BH Tan

Dear SL,

I agree that it must be a relief to leave the illness and sufferings. Hmm every life in this planet is bound to suffer, it's just a matter of time and only those in heaven or have reached nirvana is off sufferings in eternity. After seeing people suffer in the hospital, I just think that life is just like that, we should treasure the every moment that we have now as our turn to suffer can come any time.

One of my ICU nurses has just been diagnosed to have ovarian cancer and she underwent chemo and now admitted to ICU postoperatively for observation. I couldn't recognise her when I went into ICU initially until someone told me about her. From memory, she was sweet and cheerful when I worked with her 2 years ago and look what happened to her now? the more we grow up, the more sufferings we will face with, don't you think so? I always think back to the good old childhood days when we were so innocent and had no worries at all!! Now we have more and more responsibilities!

Ya, Life is so unpredictable, bad things or good things can come so suddenly, isn't it? So, we 'd better enjoy every moment that we can before it is too late.................

*Snip*
(I've removed the subsequent unrelated paragraphs in the email)

take care,

Bee Hooi

Reading this email again put me in deep thought. Just like the Chinese saying, ~ 百般感觉，百般滋味, 顿时涌上了我的心头. Although Bee Hooi's stay in this world was short, but she had lived her life to the fullest.